Wednesday, October 7, 2009

ET just used Elliot to get home, he didn't actually care about him.

This one time I told someone that I had never really seen the movie Top Gun and he almost punched me in the face, so something Kayla has been doing for me to make me less offensive to people is helping me get caught up on all the movies that I was never allowed to watch because my family was in a cult when I was a kid. We rented ET tonight, against my better judgment since I'm afraid of aliens.

8:51 Put ET in DVD player.
8:52 Smelled something burning, went outside, stepped on a slug with my bare right foot.
8:54 Got scolded by Kayla for coming the house with slimy feet. I'm crying.
9:10 Rednecks in big trucks scare ET. He gets left behind like the heathens in a Kirk Cameron movie.
9:13 Kids smoking weed and playing Dungeons and Dragons or something
9:20 Paused to get chocolate
9:24 Kiss wife’s forehead
9:27 Elliot’s on a lawn chair, ET is approaching and making gross noises. I’m going to have nightmares.
9:33 I think ET was left behind on purpose because he was the guy always snapping the other guys with a towel in the locker room, and he still says "WASSSSSSAAAAAAPPPP!!???"
9:40 Elliot: “I’m gonna throw up on the phone if you don’t let me go.” Haha.
9:55 ET’s drunk. In the morning.
10:32 ET is sick and anxious to get home. Probably because his out-of-network coverage is BRUTAL.
10:48 ET is dead. He almost took Elliot with him due to the mind meld he performed remotely while drinking Coors. I'm crying.
11:02 Some unruly teens just outwitted a special government task force and the local police. I always love it when that happens.
11:09 That spaceship is so fake.
11:10 I'm crying.

Thursday, September 24, 2009