Friday, March 12, 2010

The Origins of Rymerica, or, The Essence of Man

Once, I was a child. I thought like a child. I acted like a child. I held the parmesan cheese container to my lips and drank its granular goodness. I did not like barbecue sauce. I might not have liked any sauce. But bbq sauce tasted too sharp for my young tongue. Like licking the business end of a knife made of wasabi. I wonder if all bbq sauces were just brown and vinegar, or if those were the only kind we purchased.

Furr's, the Winco of the southwest but with fresh tortillas, was somewhere between Bethel and Ai. It was there I met Bull's-Eye. The good people at Kraft mixed smoke, magic, delicious taste, and high fructose corn syrup to make a miracle sauce. And it was there, like Abram and Lot, all other bbq sauces and I went our separate ways. They actually gave out samples of it. I think they knew no one would buy bbq sauce otherwise. The color was perfect, the texture was perfect, the TASTE was perfect. It has inspired many poems and works of art. Not the least of which follows here:

Bull's-Eye in the North
Bull's-Eye in the South
Doesn't matter where
Just pour it in my mouth

Bull's-Eye in the morning
Bull's-Eye noon and night
When everything go wrong
Bull's-Eye makes it right

Bull's-Eye tastes so good
Bull's-Eye tastes so great
And now I'm addicted to all varieties of sauces.


If it wasn't for Bull's-Eye, I wouldn't be the man I am today.

Thank you.


  1. I miss the fresh tortillas...

  2. Chef Hymie Grande ( ) is the first and only bottled BBQ sauce to carry the seal of the American Diabetes Association on the label. It has no high fructose corn syrup, no processed sugar, it is all natural and vegan friendly. It is produced by Jamie Failtelson, a.k.a. Chef Hymie Grande of Carlstadt, NJ. 5% of proceeds go to the American Diabetes Association.

  3. Vegan friendly BBQ sauce? Hahahahahaha.......